The Torment of A Passive Narcissist

Self abasement can be seen among those in Christendom who tend to subordinate themselves to others so as to prove by their behavior that they are insignificant, unworthy of any positive attention or acclaim. Such a person will secretly harbor an inward feeling of being superior to others to as evidence as to why he has been  often overlooked both in the world and in the church. This is that one who would hide his talent in the sand, with all kinds of excuses for not using it. He is immune receiving  any admiration, complements  or recognition, as he rejects being put in a superior position.  In his attitude toward himself, the captive lives with a sense of failure to measure up to his own personal “ought to’s” , the “ought to’s” of others as well as biblical precepts and mandates. He tends to feel guilty, inferior, as a contemptible eye-sore that deserves rejection and loneliness..

Passivity, a doorway for demons, becomes a self-abasing solution, where others are perceived as either accusing or despising the captive   when he can find no fault in his own behavior. He often makes a lot of apologies as a weapon to keep himself safe. Although self pride is not consciously visible, deep down, the captive is extremely proud as he secretly belittling others in his thoughts of them for not being as forgiving, understanding and as “humble” as he imagines that he is.  He perceives even the supportive, caring people in his world as both self centered and selfish in comparison to his own self effacing ways. This is the passive side of narcissism.

Pride will also manifest in the opposite direction, where the captive will secretly admire pride and aggressiveness in others, and on occasion will passively submit to being dominated and controlled by-those who are stronger and more self confident than he is. So even though he is lonely and has a need for company, he is uncomfortable with being sociable as a pride issue.  For being without social contact is self-proof and confirmation that  he is unwanted and unpopular—-a public disgrace to be kept secret.

Consequently, those who belittle themselves  cannot discriminate between those who are abusive and those who really care for him. As a rule, this captive will not be able to recognize the difference between genuine friendliness and obvious aloofness. So he remains secretly suspicious of anyone who is genuinely caring towards him, especially if the person exhibits strength, and who is willing to confront him in an assertive way. Furthermore, his fear of antagonism and righteous confrontation causes  him  to overlook, discard, minimize or rationalize away  his blessings.

Here is an example.  Consider Raymond.  Much of his adult life, he was homeless.  He receives an opportunity to stay with a Christian family who welcomed and embraced him as one of their own relatives.  Yet he walked around for 3 months with his head bowed low, not looking anyone in the face.  He had his own room and access to the entire house where there are 3 living rooms.  Instead of using one of them, he preferred to spend his time in a dark, cold cellar or stay in his room, blocking out all light.  At a public restaurant, he sat at the table with his head down, saying nothing and staring into his cell phone.  Yet one day, when he actually decided to speak, he blurted out some venom against a person who had only been nice to him.  The interesting thing is that once he decided to leave and go back to the squalor he is used to, he looked everyone in the face, became  verbally religious, straightforward  and assertive,  readily voicing complaints that he secretly harbored for his entire stay with this family.  He waited until his own decision to leave was possible primarily because he  feared his  entire time that the family would reject him and put him out to the streets—something they would have never done.

Are you a passive narcissist? Are you prone to self abasement?  People like this never prosper as they instinctively cut off their own fruitfulness and kill their harvest.  Even their natural skills are wasted.