Archive | 6:30 am

Born Again – George

2 Dec
Come, let us join Christ in the wondrous golden field of flowers!

The Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth is my God and Master and I am His servant, George.

Glory be to the Lord Jesus Christ who showed me mercy and delivered unto me the precious and perfect gift of eternal life in Christ Jesus. I write this text to serve as a documented testimony to the power and glory of the One True God. I pray that I might be given the words that will be pleasurable in His eyes and that they might encourage His sheep to know that their time is coming and that there is much to look forward to.

I was born on November 13th, 1992. Friday the 13th. To a loving mother and father, they would tuck me in bed. And above my head on the wall was a crucifix with a figure of “Jesus” that one sees in paintings, watching over me every night as I slept. I wandered through adolescence and was spoiled as an only child. I would be given gifts and toys with very little resistance from my parents. I even remember being thrown a wonderful birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, with all of my preschool friends and classmates being invited.

I had the childhood that any young boy would want.

Yet there was an undercurrent to my adolescence and upbringing. It would make itself known loudly by interjecting every Sunday of the week where I would find myself in a plain looking room with rows of red chairs lined up next to each other: church. My father had been going to a non-denominational church since his 20s and, having met a previously-Catholic woman in my mother who claimed to belong to Jesus Christ, wanted to raise me in it. They would bring me and sit me down next to them where the congregation would sing hymns and read from the Bible. The elders in the church would take turns leading its members in prayer and the breaking of bread and drinking of wine.

My religious upbringing manifested in the same way that the Christian subculture in America has been instructing its members to worship for the past few decades: pray every day and read your Bible. I would pray before my meals and before bed. I did not read much on my own time, concluding that I could learn from my church. During the summers, my mother and father would send me to Bible School, a recreational program where the children would engage in the same activities as church as well as more kid-oriented ones like water balloon fights. I engaged in all of this out of obligation and instruction, but running around with the other kids and doing art projects with them as a child was fun.

One day I experienced a moment with my father which would shape and mold me with fear and misunderstanding for the large majority of my life: I walked into his room and there he was, reading his Bible. My dad was my hero and I always loved to spend time with him.

“Dad, what are you reading?” I asked.

“Mmmm….I probably shouldn’t show you this, but here,” he said.

I leaned over and looked at the text. It was the passage about the unpardonable sin, where the Lord Jesus Christ rebuked the Pharisees and told them there would be no forgiveness in blaspheming the Holy Spirit. Fear settled into me and I hurried out the room. As I lay in bed readying for sleep, a barrage of blasphemous thoughts came battering into my mind like a storm of arrows raining on its target. The horrifying reality sunk in: I had damned myself by committing the unpardonable sin and I was damned for all eternity. Fearful and sad, I chose not to say anything to my father and went to sleep.

For the next 10+ years, I quietly struggled with fear about the unpardonable sin under the assumption that I was damned forever. It would most often creep into my mind as I lay in bed alone at night, as a fear of hell would settle in. My experience with the church during this stretch of time is a story for another time as I expedite to God’s glorious redemption of me.

It was in April of 2016 that I met Pastor Pamela Sheppard. I got to know her and she got to know me. She showed me wisdom, guidance, and patience as she worked on various issues that I had in my own soul. We built a great relationship as she taught me about God and what it is to be a Christian. We spoke on a weekly basis for the better part of the next 4 years. One of the first things she taught me was that I never had really committed the unpardonable sin and that in my early 20s I experienced a false conversion. For those who do not know, a false conversion is a fraudulent born again experience wherein the recipient is shown heavenly things to make them think they are born again, yet they are actually are not.

Pastor Pam and I dealt with a myriad of spiritual issues: intrusive thoughts, fear of hell, confrontations with fallen angels, etc. She taught me that God saves His people at His own timing. I learned about the corruption and infiltration of religion and the churches across America and the world. I learned more about Who Jesus Christ really was and what He does for his people. I learned how to stand in truth and rebuff demons and fallen angels who come to bother, torment, distract and destroy the children of God. I learned how to counsel others in spiritual warfare. It gave me an unbelievably strong foundation and understanding of what it meant to stand firm. It taught me how to stick up for yourself against these vast forces of evil running to and fro across the earth, running circles around the people on it due to the same reason God said His people are destroyed: their lack of knowledge.

Yet as time went on, I wondered, why am I not born again yet? God would show me my true character and sin in dreams: arrogance, pride, highmindedness, vanity, ego and more. And as I persisted, Satan would come and try to use me against Pastor Pam and her ministry and it was revealed that I had a huge, dark fallen angel assigned to me who would insert blasphemous thoughts into my mind on a regular basis. He would also set up various situations in my own life to lead me into deceit and come to me with thoughts and dreams that seemed to be from God, but were designed to destroy me.

On top of this, I struggled with a number of my own issues due to my nature: anxiety, stress, guilt, fear and even suicidal thoughts. Beyond this, I also had a myriad of personality traits that was harmful to both me and others. I was prone to getting offended easily due to my high ego and was also vindictive against anyone who crossed me. I had narcissistic traits which was evident by thinking of myself higher than others, requiring and wanting excessive admiration, envy of others and more.

I had made a lot of headway over the years in terms of working on my soul and character. But I felt like I was reaching a breaking point: I had so much stress to the point that my heart rate jumped by 25+ beats and I felt a constant pain in my chest. Meanwhile, I was coming to terms with the fact that I was lukewarm towards the things of God and the ministry. I became like I was in church: attending out of obligation and putting on my smile that looked pleasing on the surface, yet no feeling or love in my heart as I said whatever pretty words I knew sounded pleasurable to fit in.

I remember painting one day when my spirit spoke to me and showed me the overarching attitude I had towards life: apathy. Sheer, pure apathy towards everything. The microexpression on my face that defined me was one where my lips would droop, betraying my innermost feelings: indifference towards life. I simply did not care about much. I was like the tinman from the Wizard of Oz: I could help others and even banter with them and they would like me, but I had no heart.

Fast forward to 2020 and I had moved to New York for a new job, living near Pastor Pam. My birthday, November 13, once again on a Friday the 13th like my birth date was nearing. I told her that I would like to spend some time with her and other members of the ministry for my birthday. She agreed and after my shift at work, I drove an hour and a half up to Albany for the night.

I arrived and Pastor Pam ushered me in and we engaged in pleasantries and discussion about the new job and the cultural climate of the United States. Shortly after, Abbi and Evan – two workers of Pam Sheppard Ministries – arrived and welcomed me. They were all so kind to me, buying my favorite flavored cake of red velvet for me and getting some Chinese food that I liked. We had a pleasant meal and moved to the living room where we had a discussion about God.

Pam looked at me and after having a conversation, decided to begin a prayer for me.

I must be honest: I had not assumed that anything immediate would happen from this prayer. I had been prayed for before, especially to be born again, and it had not happened yet.

“Father God, I come to you on behalf of George,” she began.

Sitting there on her couch with my head bowed, I listened.

“God, you had put it on my mind today that George might be born again today,” she proclaimed boldly.

Those words hit my spirit like a gut punch.

“What?!” I shouted out. I was dumbfounded. Because as she said those words, I began to have a spiritual and emotional experience so joyous and glorious that it will stay deep in my heart, soul and spirit for the rest of eternity in pure joy over the Lord Jesus Christ. And as she spoke, I was beginning to experience the presence of God in the spirit.

She continued to pray for me and from the deepest recesses of my soul, I began to sob and weep. I could feel my chest swell up and the sound of my voice in a deep cry as God showed me who I really was: a pitiful, wretched and decrepit sinner. A repugnant and putrid pile of sin, disgusting and shameful. This spiritual revelation hit my soul and I could not believe what a pathetic human being I was. I make no exaggeration when I state that in that moment I felt like less than a worm in the earth. My friends, what I was experiencing was the beginning of Godly sorrow.

And as I sat there weeping and in the spirit, I suddenly found myself inside the earth. I was experiencing what it was like to be a piece of dirt in the earth: dead and dirty. Yet in a moment, I saw a glorious, great, big hand reach out towards me. And it touched me. The moment it did, I experienced in the spirit what it is to be born again. The hand touched me and while I was a piece of dirt in the earth, I instantly bloomed into a flower and experienced life for the first time.

And as I blossomed into the earth, in the spirit I saw my surroundings. I was in a beautiful field of flowers, yellow and gold. And near me was a Figure in a robe. It was at this point that I witnessed the Resurrected Jesus Christ of Nazareth before my very eyes. I was in awe at what I saw, my mouth gaping open and my eyes shot wide open with tears running down them and my fingers cupping my face in amazement.

It is at this point where I will try to do my best to explain what I experienced, but words cannot truly justify the glory, awe, and perfection that I saw in the spirit. Nonetheless, here goes.

God began to impart unto me a spiritual experience where I realized I was finally alive through the Lord Jesus Christ and I experienced emotions in the spirit that transcends anything we can experience in the physical realm. I felt a deep, Godly love strong within my spirit, sobering me. As God interacted with me, I felt a glowing warmth emanating from His perfect Body. The closest I can explain it is to try and imagine as if you were right next to the sun, but it didn’t hurt, it just nourished you and gave you life. There was a sense of holy and heavenly light coming from Him an it was glorious.

I began to receive understanding from God in my spirit the various parts of His character that has been written about: He is merciful. He is kind. He is loving. Here stood the God Who created all things on earth and life itself standing before me in an intimate moment between just us two to make a statement: I love you, George. I died for you and your sins, and I rose again so that you may have life. The Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth is a God of honor and justice and here I was, approximately 2,000 years after He ascended to heaven. I was seeing Him do what He always said He would: that He came so that His sheep would have life, and have it abundantly.

As I received my new birth and experienced the Resurrected Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I began to cry out in the physical realm.

“WHAT MERCY! WHAT KINDNESS!” I bellowed out. The glory of what I was witnessing was so astonishing that I could not help but cry out as the greatness of what I was seeing was awe-inspiring.

Love, happiness and joy began to flow through me. These were Godly emotions that sunk deep into my soul.

“FOR ME? FOR ME?” I both questioned and exclaimed at the same time. I was in complete and utter awe that God had taken time out of HIS day to bring me NEW LIFE. To bring me JOY. To bring me HAPPINESS. To DELIVER me from my sins. To reach into the dirt where I was a dead, pathetic pile of sin and with a simple touch bring me life for all of eternity in the safe and secure presence of GOD. On my own birthday, the Lord Jesus Christ showed me kindness and mercy as He graciously translated me from the kingdom of darkness into His kingdom of light.

As my time with God in the spirit continued, I began to experience His Body. Flowing from Him was the anointing of the Holy Spirit and it was made known to me several things about God. I experienced and felt His Perfection and Glory. I felt a warm glow from Him of Holiness. And lastly, I learned that He was POWERFUL and INVINCIBLE. I experienced His power in the spirit and I could feel in the spirit that His Body was invincible. I could make no exaggeration of this if I tried: a nuclear bomb could touch the Risen God and it would bounce right off him like a pitiful plaything. The glory of such knowledge dawned on me and I continued shouting out in glory and praise of God.

The chains of my soul have been broken and snapped into nothingness through the power of the Lord Jesus Christ.

I opened my eyes. My vision was blurry, with tears flowing through them. I peeked them open between my fingers and looked around the room. Straight ahead of me was Pastor Pamela Sheppard. The tears and weeping of sorrow I had experienced a mere moment ago had transformed into tears of joy and sounds of deep laughter as I realized what was happening. I was laughing like a manic man, relieved and ecstatic that the Lord Jesus Christ is risen.

“You are my mother!” I yelled out to her. She, Abbi and Evan began to laugh in joy as they partook in my new birth.

“You are my brother. You are my sister,” I said to Abbi and Evan. They smiled at me as we shared in happiness together.

I looked around the room and in the spirit I saw that it was a delivery room, with surgical equipment around like you see in the hospital. My legs felt heavy, like I was walking for the first time. My eyes could see and it was like I was seeing for the first time. Near us I saw what appeared to be a small crowd of people with a cloud enveloping them, saints.

To my friends reading this who are waiting on God: take courage. As Pastor Pam has said before me, as Evan has said before me and as Abbi has said before me, I echo their message: No amount of sin, evil or wrongdoing is too much for God. I was so pathetic in my old state that in my rebirth experience God likened me to the dirt of the earth. Here are some definitions of dirt:

  1. Any foul or filthy substance, as mud, grime, dust, or excrement.
  2. Something or someone vile, mean, or worthless.
  3. Moral filth; vileness; corruption.

Who among you, when walking over the earth and ground, pays attention to the dirt and worms being crushed underneath their feet? Yet God in his infinite and vast glory, mercy and peace took this piece of dirt, touched it and had it grow and blossom into a beautiful flower. Here are the definitions of what it is to bloom:

  1. to produce or yield flowers
  2. to mature into achievement of one’s potential
  3. to flourish in youthful beauty, freshness, or excellence
  4. to shine out : glow

I am still in awe that He actually gave me the perfect gift of eternal life on my birthday. What a loving and kind God He is. I am now His. Any and all imperfections in me have been made perfect by His Spirit that dwelleth within me.

Since then, I am at peace. Godly peace. Things like arrogance, pride, ego are distant from me as I crucify my flesh to instead walk in the Spirit. I can look at the old George and rebuke his fleshly temptations and desire for sin. I can use the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ in prayer to worship God, rebuke fallen angels and demons and strengthen me. I have experienced joy and happiness to a degree I never have before all thanks to the Lord. God took my sin and deadness of spirit, squashed it into nothing, and gave me eternal life.

There is more to come. There will be other pieces of dirt and sin who will blossom and be with Christ in that beautiful field of flowers ‘til the end of the age unto all eternity. We have a lot to look forward to. The Day will come when He descends unto the earth and rules it with an iron rod, where all will know that Jesus Christ is GOD. Please Lord Jesus, carry out Your will on earth for your children and lead them in Your plans as the Day of the Lord nears. I echo John from the Book of Revelation and the cry of all children of Christ on earth: come, Lord Jesus. All glory be to Your Perfect and Holy Name, the Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth.